


Don't survive, live

by JaneLBlack



Category: The 100 (TV), The 100 Series - Kass Morgan
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-06
Updated: 2019-08-07
Packaged: 2020-08-10 10:31:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,582
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20134015
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JaneLBlack/pseuds/JaneLBlack
Summary: Her touch, her smell, her presence made everything better. His strength came back and he finally opened his eyes. (post season 5)





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Disclamer: I don't own the 100. But I would thrilled if anyone got me a Bellamy Blake for Christmas.
> 
> This story is set right after the season 5 finale. Enjoy!

**Chapter** **1**

He felt numb. His eyes were filled with tears, his hands were shaking and his heart was swollen with grief. But he still felt numb.

His friends had died and he was sleeping. He left them alone and they **fucking** died. He didn't care it was their choice. He didn't care that they were happy and in love. They should've woken him and their group. And they should've been together – **until the very end**.

He wasn't mad because of the life they chose. He was mad because they left him out of it.

A sudden noise behind started Bellamy out of his thoughts and he turned. Jason mumbled an apology and pretended to be busy again. The boy was excited to finally have some company, but Bellamy could see he was also grieving. Waking up to find out your parents are dead must be an awful experience. Harper asked them to look after their boy and he was already failing at it.

"They were great, you know?" Bellamy heard himself saying. Jordan looked at him with sad, curious, eyes. "Your parents. Monty and Harper were great friends and loved each other. I know they loved you too. Their choice – to keep you alive – was the right choice." Jordan smiled. A soft smile that reminded him of Harper.

"Oh, I know." Jordan sighted. "When they put me to sleep, they told me that we might not see each other again. I said my goodbyes, but…" He looked around, trying to fight the tears. "I just hoped they would be waiting." Bellamy walked to him and placed a hand on his shoulder.

"You have us now. We'll protect you and take care of you." Jordan looked at him again and Bellamy could hold a smile. "You're family." The boy looked taken aback by his words, but managed another smile. He then cleared his throat and blushed slightly.

"Dad always called you Uncle Bellamy when he talked about you… I know we're about the same age, but do you think that, just maybe…" His words got lost and his face became redder. Bellamy smiled softly, his eyes filling with tears again. "I would be honored." Jordan beamed at him.

"Bellamy…" a soft voice behind them broke the moment and they both turned to watch the woman at the door. Clarke had her eyes red and her cheeks were wet with fresh tears.

Monty had left them a message each with specific instructions to listen to it separately. Bellamy allowed Clarke to watch hers first because he wasn't ready. He still wasn't. Their friend's death was still fresh even though they had been dead for years. Decades actually.

Clarke's eyes found his and Bellamy couldn't stop himself. He walked to the woman with fast strides and engulfed her in a strong hug. Her hands gripped to his shirt and she broke down in small sobs. He breathed in her scent and sighted, letting the tears fall silently down his cheek.

125 years without having Clarke in his arms, breathing in in her scent and felling her heartbeat against his chest shouldn't be allowed.

Slowly, she calmed down and started to pull away from him. Her blue eyes, bright with tears, locked in his brown ones. "It's your turn." He nodded, but didn't move. She smiled softly. "It's ok, Bellamy."

He had to do it. He owed it to his friends to hear his last words.

Bellamy walked to the bridge of the ship with fast strides and sat in front of the screen. He took one, two, three, four deep breaths and pressed play.

"Bellamy." Monty's voice sounded tired, but he managed a smile. "You must be so pissed with me right now." Bellamy couldn't stop a chuckle. His friend knew him so well. "But I know you'll understand someday, because if you were in my place you would've done the same thing." _Damn you, Monty, for knowing me so well. _"I thought about what to say to you. I've told all about you to Jordan, you know? About the carefree rebel that became the king. About how I, his mother and the other one hundred wouldn't be alive today if it wasn't for yours and Aunt Clarke's sacrifices." His eyes filled with tears while watching Monty also tear up. "Somehow along the way you became my brother and I hope you feel the same way."

"I do. I always will." Bellamy mumbled to the screen.

"And that's why I wanted to leave on last message to you. I've kept this for myself for so long and I think now it's the time to finally say it. You're an idiot, Bellamy Blake." Bellamy's mouth fell opened. _What the hell?_ "You're so worried about keeping all of us safe and happy, that you forgot about your own happiness. No, I'm not talking about Echo. I'm talking about Clarke. And don't you make that face!" Bellamy quickly stopped frowning. "I've watched you too dance around each other for years. Bickering and hugging and pretending like you didn't mean the world to each other. I know you used to sit in the Ring's window, looking down at Earth, talking to her. Every day for six years! Even after you got together with Echo, you would go there and just talk to Clarke. And I know that if she had been up there with us things would've been different." Monty chuckled softly. "But somehow I think that those six years apart just made your bond stronger. Because now you know how painful it is to be without each other." Monty sighted and Bellamy pulled to screen, his hand twitching to touch his friend. "Jordan would ask if the King got his princess in the end. Harper and I used to tell him that we didn't know the end of the story yet. But I know it and I know that you know it." Monty's eyes welled with tears again. "Don't waste your time fighting it, Bellamy. Love is beautiful and you deserve it. You might think you're not worthy of her, but trust your old friend. Even when you were just a rebel, you were always worthy of your princess. Forget about surviving.** Live.** Live for me, my brother. May we meet again." Monty smiled softly and the screen became dark.

"May we meet again." Bellamy mumbled.

Monty's last words hung heavy on his shoulders. Was he right? Bellamy loved Clarke. He knew that. She knew that. Shit! Everyone knew that! They had been friends and partners for years! Somehow, along the way, she became the most important person in his life.

When they left her on Earth during Pramfraya, his heart was broken. Echo helped him fill the void in this heart. _Just like Gina had when Clarke left after Mount Weather._

He let his head fall in his hands. Was he really that blind? Was he really in love with Clarke all along but too scared to see it? He had to admit that he felt attracted to her in the beginning. He actually slept with Raven out of spite! Clarke was gone with Finn and he was just furious and jealous. He was not worthy of the precious princess. He was just a fucking janitor!

"_Here we go again. Pleading for the life of a traitor... who you love."_

Octavia's words hit him hard. His sister was his only friend for years, she knew him better than anyone. Was she trying to tell him something?

He pulled at his hair and let out a frustrated growl. He didn't stop the tears and the sobs. He let himself feel for the first time since he found out what had happened. He cried for Monty, Harper and Jasper. He cried for Lincoln, Finn and Bryan. He cried for Monroe, Sterling and Atom. He cried for Charlotte, Maya and Gina. He cried for his mother and the father he never knew. He cried for his sister innocence and her lost love. He even allowed himself to cry for Lexa and all the other grounders.

He then cried for him and Clarke. For every fleeting moment of happiness they had. For ever knowing glance. For every hug, touch of hands and whispered conversation. For every feeling he had about her that he couldn't quite understand.

Bellamy don't know for how long he cried, but – what he felt like hours later – soft, warm hands rested on his shoulders, traveled down his arms to finally rest on his chest. Clarke's soft cheek pressed against his own and he let his head fall to her shoulder, sighting heavily.

Her touch, her smell, her presence made everything better. His strength came back and he finally opened his eyes, his hands finding Clarke's on his chest.

"What do we do now?" He asked, his voice hoarse.

"We should wake the others." She whispered giving him goosebumps.

"Not everyone." He pleaded. Clarke moved her head and Bellamy turned to look at her. "Not yet" The stared at each other for a few moments and she finally nodded. "Ok." They let go of each other and Bellamy got up.

Jordan was watching them from the door, uncertain. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to…"

"It's ok, Jordan. We're family, remember? Family is never an inconvenient." The boy smiled at Clarke's words. "We should wake the others." She told him. Jordan turned around quickly and excited to meet everyone.

"Wait, Jordan!" Bellamy called after him, trying to catch up. Jordan look at him, beaming. "Not everyone, everyone." He looked confused between the two leaders.

"Then, who?"


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclamer: I don't own the 100. But I still want a Bellamy Blake for myself.
> 
> Enjoy!

**Chapter 2**

"What do we do now?" Raven's voice was small and weak.

Bellamy exchanged a glance with Clarke and then looked at her, uncertain. "What do you think we should do?" Raven shrugged.

"I don't know. We should land, make sure it's safe, wake our people and… try to be happy I guess."

A loud noise across the room made them jump. Murphy had kicked a chair and was looking furiously at them, a wild glow in his eyes. "Be happy? **Be happy?** Our friends fucking died while we sleep! Their child grew up without knowing us! We didn't watch his first steps, his first words! We didn't teach him to play ball or about the sacrifices we've done!" He started pacing around like a caged beast. "Monty and Harper are dead. Do you understand that? D-E-A-D. Gone! And you want me to be happy?" Murphy turned around to Raven. "Look around, Raven! We landed one hundred and one on that planet. How many do you see now? Me, Bellamy, Octavia and Miller. Four out of hundred and one. We're cursed. There is no being happy. There is just death." He stopped pacing and closed his eyes, exhausted. Clarke moved to him, trying to give him some comfort.

Murphy's eyes snapped open, with a murderous gleam. "Don't fucking touch me, _princess_." And left the bridge, kicking everything on his way.

Jordan looked terrified and his eyes moved wildly between Clarke, Bellamy and Raven. His parents told him all about John Murphy. They actually told him about every one of them. The ones they lost and the ones that Jordan would eventually meet. But nothing prepared him for the fury of his childhood's favorite.

"I'm going to talk to him." Said Raven, trying to stand. Bellamy shook his head.

"You're going to try to find a way to put us on the ground. We need to make sure it's safe before we wake the others." He glanced at Clarke, looking for her approval. The blonde girl nodded. "Jordan, can you help Raven, please?"

The boy moved next to Raven and they started talking about the safest way to land. Knowing that he was distracted, Bellamy turned to Clarke. "I'm going to talk to him."

"Do you want me to come?" He shook his head and gave her a small smile. "I had six years to learn how to deal with Murphy. I got this." Clarke gave a small nod. Bellamy gave her a small kiss on the top of her head, not being able to stop himself. She looked at him and smiled.

"Thank you for being here with me." He whispered.

"Always."

Bellamy looked around the corridors for Murphy. Eligius wasn't a big ship, but it was big enough for him to hide. After twenty minutes of searching, he found him sitting near a window, watching the green planet. Bellamy joined his friend on the floor.

They stayed quiet for a few minutes for Bellamy's surprise. He was used to angry Murphy, but sad Murphy just creeped him out.

"Why didn't they wake us?" He asked after a few minutes, finally tearing his eyes from the window. Bellamy shrugged.

"I don't know. Maybe they thought they had time and then they just didn't."

"Bellamy, they _sacrificed_ themselves for us." Bellamy chuckled.

"Being stuck with the woman you love and your child on a ship isn't a sacrifice."

"It is when your family isn't there to share your happiness." Murphy gazed out the window again and stayed quiet for a few minutes. "He said I was his brother." It was barely a whisper, but Bellamy heard it. He looked at his friend, whose eyes were filled with tears.

"Well, he told me that I'm an idiot." Murphy chuckled and turned to him.

"Why?" Bellamy debated if he should tell the truth, but he needed to tell someone. And he needed someone to tell him that Monty was just old and delusional.

"Because I'm in love with Clarke and I should do something about it."

"Well, you are." Bellamy chin fell and he looked at his friend shocked. Murphy smirked. "C'mon, Bellamy. I've watched you two dance around each other for years. We all did. After Praimfraya, when you started a relationship with Echo, we didn't say anything because, you know, we all thought Clarke was dead. But I saw your face when Madi told us she was alive. It was like you could breath again. I saw the old Bellamy. Our leader."

"Murphy, I…"

"I started calling you the King to mess with you. But the truth is you are our King and Clarke is our Princess and you two are perfect to each other. Like two pieces that fit together." Murphy sighed and looked at his hands that were resting on his knees. "A love like that doesn't come easily. Some of us might not even get a chance to experience it. I know you might think you don't deserve her. But you do." He looked at him again. "Bellamy, even when you were just the _"whatever the hell we want"_ guy, you still deserved Clarke. Sometimes people might say that fire doesn't work with fire, but you two together… you're like the sun that lighted our dark world. Many of us kept fighting because we knew you could trust you guys to lead us. Not as individuals, but as a unit." To say Bellamy was shocked was the least. Murphy was revealing himself as one hell of wise bastard. Murphy chuckled again. "Maybe Raven is right. Maybe we should try to be happy. If not for us, for Monty and Harper." Bellamy took his eyes of Murphy.

He was right. Why shouldn't they be happy? Why should he and Clarke pull away their feelings for each other? Maybe – just maybe – if they could find peace, they could finally be together.

Bellamy glanced at Murphy. "You're my brother too." A small smile appeared in the other man's face and he placed a hand on Bellamy's shoulder. "Right back at you, your majesty."

* * *

They walked out of the Eligius into the new world. It was bright and green and Bellamy wished he could smell it and fell the warmth of the two suns on his skin.

Clarke insisted that they wore the hazmat suits. There were no signs of radioactivity in the air, but you could never be too sure. And, with their luck, they weren't willing to risk it.

He took his surroundings. They had landed on a big clearing, pine trees around it, green grass as far as the eye could meet and, down a small hill, a enormous lake with blue, shinning water. It was so beautiful that Bellamy could cry.

A few birds flew over them and Jordan looked at them amazed.

"Do you think it's safe?" Raven asked. Clarke and Bellamy exchanged a glance.

"Only one way to found out." She said and he nodded, moving to take off the helmet. "Together." Bellamy smiled at her words. "Together." He agreed and pulled the off the helmet.

It was warm, warmer than Earth, and Bellamy, used to the cold air in the ship, began to sweat. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes, the smells filling him. It was sweet and homey and comfortable.

Bellamy felt something rise in his chest and he couldn't control it. He started laughing. He heard Raven let out a happy squeal behind him and Murphy giving a joyful scream. He was pretty sure that Jordan was perplexed as he was too quiet. He turned to Clarke, who smiled at him with her stunning eyes bright with tears, and, once again unable to control himself, grabbed her. She let out a small scream that soon turned into laughter as he spinned them around.

Without warning, he threw her over his shoulder - _**"BELLAMY!"**_ \- and started running towards the water. He could hear Murphy, Raven and Jordan behind him, laughing.

As he reached the lake, Bellamy didn't stop, got in the water - _**"Bellamy Blake! DON'T YOU DARE!"**_ \- and dove. When they came to the surface, Clarke looked at him, angry, but he saw the smile that was threatening to escape. "Oh, you're done, mister!" And started to throw water at him. Murphy and Raven soon joined them and they all played and laughed and screamed happily, until they noticed someone was missing.

Jordan was on the shore, looking uncertain, afraid, but Bellamy could feel the excitement that came out of the boy in waves.

Raven moved in his direction. "C'mon, Jordan! It's a lake! It's water! Actually clean, pure, non-recycled water!"

"I… I don't know." He stuttered. Raven looked at her friends with a wicked smirk and turned back to Jordan, who saw her expression and started giving small, hesitant, steps back. "Aunt Raven, no… No!" But it was no use. Raven started throwing water at him. Murphy moved quickly and grabbed Jordan by his waist, pulling him to the lake.

* * *

Bellamy was lying on the floor, his eyes closed, enjoying the light breeze as the suns warmed his skin and dried his drenched clothes. He could hear Jordan making a million questions per minute to Raven and Murphy. He could hear the way the answered each one of them patiently. He could hear _her_ small and hesitant steps getting louder as she got closer to him. He could hear the way she lied down right to his side and sighed. He could hear when she turned to look at him and waiting for him to acknowledge her presence. And Bellamy Blake never denied Clarke Griffin anything.

When his brown orbs locked on her face, he couldn't hold back the smile that grew on his face. Happy Clarke was so rare, but so beautiful, that he couldn't stop himself from grinning like an idiot.

"We did it." She whispered to him. Afraid that, if anyone heard her, their happiness would be taken away. "All thanks to Monty and Harper." A flash of sadness crossed her blue eyes, but the soft smile never left her lips.

"We'll never forget it, Clarke. People will know what they did. Monty and Harper Green were the ones that saved mankind and everyone - in the present and the future - will know that." His voice was gentle, but Clarke could hear the promise in it.

"Why didn't you want to wake the others?" She asked him. Bellamy sighted and tore his gaze away from her.

"I just wanted a moment. **I** needed it. **We** needed it." He heard her move closer to him, not touching him, but enough for Bellamy to feel her warmth. "When we are all together, it all happens so fast and so loud. I just wanted us to enjoy the peace and quiet for a while."

"Why Murphy?" Bellamy knew what the real question was_. Why not Echo?_

When they were debating who they should wake first, they decided to choose one person each. After hearing Clarke blurt Raven's name, he just said Murphy's in a low, confident tone. She looked at him strangely, but nodded in agreement.

"It felt right." Bellamy moved his head and looked at her. Clarke wasn't staring at him anymore, her gaze in the blue sky. "Why Raven?" _Why not Madi?_

He saw the corner of her lips twitch and she glanced at him. "It felt right."

Bellamy closed his eyes again. They didn't need any more words between them. At first it just scared the shit out of him. Now it was just familiar and comfortable.

Maybe – _just maybe _– Monty was right.

He felt her hand touch his and he grabbed it. Clarke's hand was small, but far from soft. Bellamy could feel every scar and every callus. He intertwined their fingers and rubbed his thumb against her skin. Clarke sighted in appreciation.

"Tomorrow." She whispered.

"Tomorrow." He agreed.

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys!
> 
> First time here. Please, be nice. 
> 
> I hope you like.
> 
> I love you awesome nerds.
> 
> Jane


End file.
